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If someone was securely attached to their primary caregiver, they’re more likely to have a secure attachment style now (i.e., they’re not too needy or too distant). What are some examples of when you’ve persisted and succeeded at a long term goal? Is your pot smoking/binge drinking just a being young thing for you or can you imagine wanting to do it your whole life? Rationale: When you fight, is s/he going to fight nice? Rationale: Attachment style shows a degree of continuity from childhood to adulthood. Are you able to admit when you’ve made a mistake or when your own actions might’ve contributed to a problem?Rationale: Does s/he have any big plans for dramatic life changes you don’t know about? Rationale: Is the person excessively dependent, needy, or incompetent, or does s/he perceive themselves that way? Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert ACT with Love: Stop Struggling, Reconcile Differences, and Strengthen Your Relationship with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Note: Of course there are other important dating questions related to finances, children etc but I wanted to make a list of psychology-related dating questions. Rationale: Does s/he have grit (which is important for success)? Is s/he going to be good at repairing your bond after you’ve had an argument? Do you know when you’re feeling hurt, lonely, sad, ashamed/embarrassed etc?They don’t have to be asked, during your first meeting. I’m cautious about giving my heart away; so how would you make a woman like me feel secure? How would you spoil the woman you love and make her feel like a princess? How do you feel about being with a strong, flamboyant woman who can dazzle, be dramatic and be the center of a room? Feel free to ask them as you get to know the person. Have you ever been devastated by a love relationship where you felt deeply hurt by the other person? Should the relationship evolve, there will be plenty of time to get into weighty topics. When a person reveals too much too soon, it can give a false sense of intimacy.

So as long as we don’t go blaming our problems on the stars, as long as we assume responsibility for our own actions…well, hell, a little auspicious coincidence and applicable wisdom can’t hurt. Of course, there’s no fool-proof way to be sure that someone who romantically interests you will turn out to be the love of your life. How would you feel about being in a relationship with a woman who is very emotional, affectionate who can be demanding? What would be your attitude toward a woman who is an independent, free-spirited woman who doesn’t allow a relationship to confine her? Is having a great sense of humor and being intellectually stimulated important to you?

While it would be easy to maintain my professional objectivity, what remains with me that is fodder for this post is how deeply and profoundly the concepts presented touch on my own journey.

Married at 28, with a history of multiple relationships prior, widowed at 40, following a 12 year “paradoxical marriage,” I have been ostensibly single for nearly 16 years, with the exception of a few short term relationships and friends with benefits interactions.

I would much rather explore and examine, from the perspective of being on the other side of the experience, not just what I want, but what I want, even though relationship experts generally encourage focus on the positive.

I am a believer, based on my own personal and professional perspective that I need to clear the detritus of previous encounters in order to build anew.




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